Resilience In Recession Tip #5 - Navigating Around Your Icebergs

Let’s take a quick look at Iceberg Beliefs and how they affect our resilience as we continue to work our way through this persistent recession. Icebergs are big beliefs about ourselves, our worlds and our futures. They’re often rules about how we should be, how others should treat us, or how the world should operate. Psychologists call them “belief systems” or “schema”, but we think the term “Icebergs” is more descriptive. Like real icebergs, the bulk of an Iceberg Belief lies below the surface of our awareness. Icebergs are tougher to detect than our surface “tickertape” beliefs. And like real icebergs, when we crash into an Iceberg Belief, the results can be disastrous. If you’ve ever experienced an emotional blow-up – big sadness, anxiety, anger, frustration, embarrassment, guilt or shame – that just seems way out of proportion, you’ve probably hit an Iceberg.

 You may not even be aware that you've crashed into an Iceberg, but if you’ve ever had a big emotional outburst and came away shaking your head wondering where it came from, the chances are good that what caused the blow-up was an activated Iceberg Belief.

Iceberg Beliefs come in three popular “flavors” – Achievement, Social and Control. Here are some of the more common Icebergs in each of these domains (Icebergs in red are especially troublesome during recession). Most people can see themselves in at least one Iceberg in each category – see if you can identify yours:

 Achievement Icebergs

• “Winning isn’t everything – it’s the only thing.”
• “Failure is a sign of weakness.”
• “I must never give up.”
• “I should get everything right.”
• “If it’s not done perfectly it’s a failure.”

 Social Icebergs

• “It’s my job to make sure people are happy.”
• “Avoid conflict at all costs.”
• “I should always be there for the people I love.”
• “Sacrificing for others is the right thing to do.”
• “You just can’t trust people.”

 Control Icebergs

• “I must always be in charge.”
• “I must never show my feelings.”
• “I can’t handle uncertainty.”
•  “If you want it done right, do it yourself.”
•  “People should play by the rules.”

Icebergs like these can have an enormous impact on how we feel and what we do in response to any situation. Suppose you were expecting a promotion following an excellent performance review, but your boss informs you that due to poor company results last quarter all promotions are on hold indefinitely. While it would be natural to feel down, or frustrated, or maybe even a bit angry, if you had an Iceberg something like “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing,” you would more likely feel extremely down, massively frustrated, or ballistically angry when you heard this news. You might say something to your boss that you would later regret. You might even do something that would spoil your chances for promotion – a self-fulfilling prophecy going in the wrong direction!

 We learn these Iceberg Beliefs at an early age, usually from parents and other significant adults in our lives, and over time they become set in stone. Most Icebergs are double-edged swords. They have both upsides and downsides. They can both help us and they can rob us of resilience. The key is to get off “autopilot” and get our Iceberg Beliefs under conscious control.

For more details on how to identify and handle your Iceberg Beliefs, see “The Resilience Factor,” Chapter 6. Or give us a call at Adaptiv – we’re happy to hear from you!

And if you have a story of how you were able to boost your resilience by identifying and dealing with an Iceberg Belief, please email us. We’d love to hear about it.